Why?

Why do people never fail to surprise you?? why do things never seem what they are?

I have a few thousand other questions, but no answers yet.

Last night I was politely told, that I seem to have lost all passion, be it for living, sex, applying for jobs, anything. so now my struggle in life is to find my lost passion. I used to write every night when I was 21, and I remember that being my favorite part of life. Now at 28, I really miss writing, my passion for life stems from what I know myself to be, but in the past few years, people have told me various things contradictory to what I know myself to be. for instance, so far in life I believe I am a good writer, and someone told me I'm not, I did not stand up for myself. I should have, I just didn't.

I think I got really busy trying to earn money, to repay loans, pay my rent, usual everyday stuff, and my whole earning money thing, made me work like a machine, not paying attention to how I did anything, or what I uncovered in the process. I reached a point where I stopped learning anything new, or rather I was learning but the desire to learn was gone. I hated that. It was the worse thing to ever happen to me. I LOVE learning new things and I believe I can learn something from everything, every moment in life and EVERY EVENT.

I want to go back to this place, I want to find myself and I think writing this down is the first step. Its like the quote from some great person, (Martin Luther King Jr. - "Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase"

I'm on my first step. :)

Time

Where does time go, when you aren't really busy and you don't really know what has been keeping your busy??

I think the universal answer to this puzzle is that time moves away quicker when you are thinking than it does in the actual, real world. so in my head, I'm thinking i wanna make sure my home is clean, my husband is happy, I am healthy whilst I apply for all the jobs that I want to and hope and pray to find one quickly, and make lunch and plan dinner, and so on....

omg, its the end of the day, i only did the jobs, haven't had any food, and no my husband isn't happy neither is the house clean. uh oh, time slipped away. . . . . and now I'm guilty cos i don't know what happened and how I got here. the unfortunate truth is that I want my time to go back to my youth, back when my whole life was ahead of me. . . back when I could change anything.